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Arranged Marriages….Part of a culture…and acceptable for Canada

By: Linda Zhang and Jonathan Wei

Yogesh Shukla smiles sheepishly to himself when he remembers asking Sarita Tiwari, his wife, whether she wanted to play computer games on their wedding night. Now he simply considers himself lucky to be with a woman he describes as "always brightening up my day…I can't imagine being with anyone else. Not anyone with a single different characteristic." he said as Sarita laughed beside him in their Lexington apartment. Yogesh and Sarita had an arranged marriage when they were younger, and could not be better-off. Arranged marriages are an ancient tradition, and began over 4,000 years ago. In fact, 60% of marriages worldwide are arranged, and are still the most commonly performed marriages today (Shalash). It crosses boundaries of religion, culture and caste, practiced by Hindu, Sikh, Christian, Jews and Muslims alike (Wikipedia). However, the governement is considering whether or not it should be legal to practice arranged marriages. If we ban this cultural tradition, not only will we be preventing countless long-term marriages, but also increasing the number of divorces in general. Banning such a common form of marriage is unreasonable and therefore citizens of Canada should have the choice of having an arranged marriage.

Arranged marriages should be legal because they have higher success rates than “love marriages”, where couples marry based on affection. In arranged marriages, there is a shared idea that the marriage will work because two people are going to make it work, instead of an illusion that the marriage will work because two people are deeply in love and have an undying passion. According to The Department of Justice, the divorce rate in Canada is about 48%. What this means is that one out of every two marriages in Canada end up in divorce. However, in India, where 95% of marriages are arranged, only one out of one hundred marriages end up in divorce. This means that compared to Canada where almost half the marriages end in divorce, India has a mere 1.1% divorce rate and are amongst the lowest in the world (Divorce Rate). These statistics prove that arranged marriages are in fact successful, while “love marriages” often fail. The foundation of an arranged marriage is one of mutual respect, rather than the theoretical notion of “love”. A “love marriage” based on infatuation is a poor foundation on which to base a life-long relationship. In an arranged marriage, the spouses begin without any expectations from each other, and as the relationship matures and grows, a greater understanding between the two develops. That way, a stronger bond is formed between the two. In an Internet article titled First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love, Indian journalist Ira Mathur states, “Romantic love does not necessarily lead to a good marriage, and often fails once the passion dissipates…Real love flows from a properly arranged union between two individuals,” (Mathur). Many lovers marry in a matter of months because they believe that they will love each other for the rest of their lives and will stay inseparable. However, their so-called “eternal love”, often disappears quickly and their only other alternative is divorce. Arranged marriages therefore should remain legal in Canada for they are an excellent way to ensure success in a marriage.

Furthermore, arranged marriages should be a legal choice in Canada since they are quite open, flexible and loving. Contrary to popular belief, arranged marriages include freedom and the individual involved has a wide variety of men/women to choose from for their future fiancé. Many people believe that arranged marriages are “forced marriages”, where the marriage is performed without the full and informed consent or free will of both parties. However, an arranged marriage is not the same as a forced marriage, and both parties give full consent before getting married (Stritof). The individual has a choice of who they want to marry, and are not forced to marry anyone they don’t want to. The two families only come to an agreement of a marriage only when both people involved feel inclined to it. If one party disagrees with the arrangement, then the two will not marry. “They get a chance to check each other out and can go to a parent…and say 'No, bring me someone else,'" declared Robert Epstein, a researcher and former editor of Psychology Today (Shalash). It is not uncommon for someone to have 10 or more introductions before they find the person they want to marry. When families are included, it simply ensures that there is family support and shared expectations, which contribute to the longevity of the marriage. According to the online edition of India's National Newspaper, “…The process starts with the parents, but the boy and girl have inputs as well and the final decision is the couple's. That's why some proponents of arranged marriage say that it is no different than your mom setting you up on a date,” (The Hindu). Arranged marriages are merely introductions to potential partners or affecting the negotiations necessary for marriage after their children have already chosen a partner, and is very similar to the ‘blind dating’ system here in Canada. They involve freedom and choice, and therefore should be legal to practice in Canada.

Furthermore, opponents to arranged marriages may argue that arranged marriages violate the rights of the people involved. They think that it’s against the free will of the spouses and forces them to marry. That, however, is just COMPLETELY ludicrous. When two people are forced to marry each other without their own approval, it is not an arranged marriage and is completely different. It is then a forced marriage when that happens. In fact, arranged marriages do not violate the rights of people at all. According to the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, one of the fundamental freedoms everyone has is freedom of conscience and religion (Canadian Charter). In modern arranged marriages, the bride and groom get a chance to meet each other before the marriage. If they do not like the idea of getting married to each other, then the marriage will be cancelled (Pardesi Services LLC, p.1). So while people might think that when unsuspecting women and men are being forced to marry other people is considered an arranged marriage, it in fact is not, so actual arranged marriages do not violate any fundamental rights of the spouses.

However, the other side believes that because arranged marriages are not done for love, they’re not real “marriages”. Many arranged marriages have good results, and they often result in harmonious partnerships that flourish over time. For example, Mr. Aritraj, a tennis champion and Hollywood producer, was married in an arranged marriage in Machas. He felt that, being Indian, he should relate back to his cultural roots. Although there were many eligible Indian women in America, he asked his mother to find a suitable match for him. Later on after his wedding, he was asked about his choice of having an arranged marriage. He answered that “An arranged marriage can be ... more romantic than a love marriage.” (Pais, p.2). Obviously, arranged marriages can be very loving, having an Americanized Indian say that. In a different scenario, an English businessman, the boss of a man involved in an arranged marriage, was shocked when he heard that both him and his wife were content to be in an arranged marriage. When Janaki, the man’s wife, was asked how she could agree to something like this, she simply replied, “Where your love ends, our love begins. We do not fall in love - we rise in love.” (Drunk Like Socrates, p.3-4). That proves an important point, that arranged marriages can be just as loving as “love marriages”. After all, we consider celebrity unions that last very short periods of time, as was the case of Britney Spears in 2004 for 55 hours, ”real” marriages. An arranged marriage between two people who will grow to love each other for the rest of their lives is then definitely a real marriage.

In conclusion, people should be allowed to participate in arranged marriages in Canada. They are more successful than love marriages, and are definitely more “real” and “loving” than “love marriages”, regardless of their name. After all, if a person wants to be a part of an arranged marriage, is it not their own choice to do so? Also, arranged marriages are very common in different South-Asian countries, such as Bangladesh, India and Pakistan. The many cultures of the world are what makes Canada. By banning arranged marriages, not only is Canada losing a big part of those Asian cultures, we are also decreasing happiness from arranged marriages and increasing problems such as divorce, marriages for financial gain, irresponsible unions, and many other marital issues. Having those consequences would hurt Canada as a whole, so arranged marriages must be allowed in Canada.

Works Cited Page

Aboobacker, Jessina. "All for Love." The Hindu - India's National Newspaper. 22 Nov.04. 29 Oct. 2005. <http://www.hindu.com/thehindu/mp/2004/11/22/stories/2004112201380100.htm>.

"Arranged Marriage Part 1&2." Drunk Like Socrates' Blog. 20 Sept. 2005.

29 Oct. 2005. <http://woi.brynmawr.edu/drunklikesocrates>.

"Arranged Marriage." Wikipedia.

29 Oct. 2005 <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage>.

Department of Justice Canada. Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. 18 Oct. 2005 <http://laws.justice.gc.ca/en/charter/>

"Divorce Rates in Indian and Canada." Divorce Rates.

30 Oct. 2005. <http://www.divorcerate.org/>.

Mathur, Ira. "First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love."

30 Oct. 2005. <http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/3321/win4a.htm>.

Pais, Arthur J. “Dates with Destiny.” Beliefnet.11 Feb. 2000. 31 Oct. 2005 <http://www.beliefnet.com/story/10/story_1066_1.html>

Pardesi Services LLC. “Arranged Marriages and Dowry.” 2004. Pardesi. 2 Nov. 2005 <http://www.pardesiservices.com/tradition/arrangedmarg.asp>

Shalash, Samieh. "It's All Arranged." Knight Ridder Newspapers 16 May 2005. ProQuest. ELibrary. 28 Oct. 2005. <http://elibrary.bigchalk.com/libweb/curriculumca/
do/document?urn=urn%3Abigchalk%3AUS%3BBCLib%3Bdocument%3B108782856&rendition=>. Stritof, Sheri & Bob. "Forced Marriage." About.

31 Oct. 2005. <http://marriage.about.com/od/arrangedmarriages/g/forcedmarriage.htm>.