McCallion
Quest

Why am I living? 

by: Abby Baker Bagauskas 

I feel so weird, it’s something unexplainable. I love my parents, but just can’t help arguing with them. I guess you could say I’m trying to find myself, looking for the person that’s inside of me.  After trying many different approaches, I just can’t seem to figure out who I am. My parents always tell me that I am an intelligent child with many talents for the musical arts and writing, but I have to show it. The only way to successfully reach my goals is to try harder, but this is something I don’t understand. I feel like I am trying as hard as I can, since I try hard in school and am active in many extracurricular activities outside of school. Sadly though, I literally stink at multitasking. My parental units have threatened to take away all of the clubs and sports like soccer and running club I participate in, if I don’t keep my grades up. What about High School? This is usually the topic of our arguments. I want to get into Cawthra but in order to do so, I have to have top marks and keep them that way which has always been a bit of a struggle. My parents say that I can just forget about Cawthra if I don’t try hard enough in school. I just hate the word “try”! I don’t understand what it truly means! No, I don’t mean in literary terms, it’s just figuring out how to try. I’ve gone through the “organizational skills” thing, where it seems that all you have to do to get better marks is use the agenda and maybe have a homework folder to put your notes and school work in, so that you won’t forget it for the next day. This has helped, but not as much as expected. Then there was the “Getting rid of distractions” but hey, how many can you get rid of? Siblings, TV, phone, friend get-togethers, computer or msn? You can only take away so much and still find the little things that get in the way of your focus. Even a paper clip can be very entertaining when you’re in the middle of homework. I know I’m supposed to be answering questions, but I get so confused and begin to wonder what life is really all about and what it holds for me in the future. Lots of questions and very few answers.  

I know it’s not about fighting with your parents about their expectations and how unfair you may think them to be. I also know it’s not about sitting in your room doing work forever just to get into a good College or University. It scares me to think that I will be searching for a good school in only 4 years, and that my life in the world, outside the protection of my home, will soon begin. That leads me to think that maybe if I reach my parents expectations, I will be prepared to leave behind my childhood. So here’s my wish for you: May your life be filled with tears of joy and sadness, for this will mean you have lived all the days of your life.

P.S. one teeny tiny piece of advice, always listen to your mama! (Following this rule will surprise you!J)