Cawthra Park. Great academics, great teachers, great environment, soccer and volleyball teams (I don’t know how great they are), great experience, and an amazing music program. What’s not to love? It’s a little far from home, an hour and half bus ride actually, but I can handle it. The only thing standing between my dream school and me is fifteen minutes of pain, torture, and panic- also known as “the audition” by selected few. The relief I’m feeling right now didn’t come nearly fast enough.

Dec 2- information night and my first look inside the school

We pick up applications and sheet music, and check out the music room quickly before joining the mile-long line into the auditorium.

First impression: It’s nice. The students helping are all really enthusiastic and I like that the walls are covered with artwork. I see most of the first floor just by walking from the entrance to the end of the line.

Dec 14

Why do you want to come to Cawthra? Do you perform or take lessons? What other subject interests you? I fill out the application and give it to my mom.

Dec 16 (last day to apply) - the phone call

Mom: “ Honey I’m at the school right now. You forgot to attach a copy of your report card. They won’t give me an audition without it. Didn’t you read the sheet that said what you needed?”

Me: (thinking to myself)

I’m in complete shock and disbelief. This is not happening. It can’t be.

Mom: “Natalie?”

Me: (struggling to think of something…but coming up blank)

Mom: “You have to try to get someone to bring you here right now. By the time I pick you up and come back the sign-up will be over. I think you have…45 minutes to get down here.”

Me: “Wwhhat?

I sound like I just woke up from a coma, like on daytime TV. (Why is there always some unconscious guy in soap operas?)

Mom: “You know there are tons of other perfectly good schools. This isn’t the end of the world, Natalie. You can try again next year.”

Me: (Going through a mini emotional breakdown and trying to retain shreds of my sanity)

Is she kidding?

Mom: “Bye”

CLICK. 

This is most definitely the end of the world. Yah, it’s embarrassing but I start crying. I can accept trying and not getting in, but it’s much harder to accept not even being given a chance because of my negligence.

10 minutes later, she calls back. They’ve told her that if she comes back first thing tomorrow morning at 8:00 am there is a good chance I’ll get an audition. Good chance. Oh great, bring on the disappointment.  

Wednesday morning

My mom has to take my brother in to school as well, and as brilliant as he is (or thinks he is), he’s decided that he’s going to have a shower when they should be leaving; they’re running late. I try to come to terms with the possibility that I do not get an audition, but cling to what is most likely false hope anyway. I need as much comfort as I can get.

They get to Cawthra at 8:05 and there is a line of parents doing the exact same thing for their child. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only forgetful, irresponsible child in the world. Right after my mom gets to the registration table, a girl announces that there are no more music auditions. I get the last audition, the slip reads January 27 at 3:20pm.

Christmas holidays

I am surprisingly good about practicing almost every day. 

January 12- emotional breakdown #2 (ski day for the rest of the school)

My friends decide to go shopping since none of us are skiing. Of course, I have to go to school. I realize that they’re going to be doing a lot of things without me next year and suddenly I don’t think I can do it. My four best friends, two of whom I’ve known since Kindergarten, are all going to Clarkson in September. I want to give in and go with them so that I won’t have to leave people behind or say good-bye. Uncertainty hits me like never before and I doubt my decision more and more. I admit to myself for the first time, that I’m scared of choosing a different path and going in a different direction. Later I’m flipping through last year’s yearbook when I come across something a teacher had written. “Continue to take the road less traveled, Nat. It maybe not be the easiest road at times…but it does make all the difference”. Thank you, Mr. Riddell. Emotional crisis over. 

End of January- pre-audition stress or lack thereof

I was practicing my study and everything, but I can’t say that this audition was on my mind 24/7. I didn’t start thinking about it too much until the Saturday before. 

Saturday morning- the countdown starts: 3 days left

I’m in the car on the way to music classes, when my mom tells me that she might not be able to take me to my audition. Friday her principal tells her that she has to go to an important workshop the same day as my audition, so she might have to ask someone take me. I need her there. She says that she can ask her principal to go late, but I don’t want to make her do that, I don’t want to be “selfish”. The music is just bad because I’m nervous and I can’t play at all; this only makes me more frustrated. 3 days before my audition and I’ve never sounded worse in my entire life. My trumpet teacher shows me how to relax before the audition by taking a deep breath and slowly letting out the air. He says it’ll slow down my heart, and tells me not to play at all Monday. Did I mention that they moved my audition time up? My situation just keeps getting better and better.

Monday- one day left until audition nightmare

I listen to my teacher and resist practicing. Hey, if I can’t play the music now, it’s too late anyway.

Tuesday- THE AUDITION

The final decision: my mom is going to take me to the audition for 10:00 am.

We are down the street (early for once, yes!) when my mom asks where my trumpet is. “You said you’d bring it for me”. Is that close or what? So we’re getting better at punctuality but we still need to fix the moments of memory loss. That’s not too bad.

I’m not nervous until we actually get there. Once there I’m doing anything to keep my mind busy and off of the next half hour. I see a photography display and know that I’m so taking photography in grade 11. Just when I start getting impatient, someone comes to take me to a practice room, and now I’m wishing that I was still upstairs waiting. Ironic isn’t it? I hate irony. I use the breathing technique to calm down/relax before playing a couple of scales and some basic exercises. I’m ready and so glad that I sound good today. There are two teachers auditioning me or rather determining my future for the next 4 years. Wow, these teachers have way too much power…I make sure that I’m super nice and polite. The study goes smoothly, I answer all the theory questions correctly and the ear training isn’t too hard. They ask me some questions like “Why do you want to come to Cawthra?” I force myself to answer the best that I can even though I’m close to blanking out and thinking to myself that I can be spared this moment of looking like a stuttering idiot if they could just re-read my application? My internal pleas are ignored.

From 10:16 AM on

It’s over and I am into post-audition relief. I’m happy with how I played and now all I have to do is wait until March for an answer…right about now I’m wishing that I was patient, but I’ll keep working on that in mind for the morning of my next audition.

However…I’ll keep you posted!